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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410438">how does it feel to be taken care of?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeumdaero_hae/pseuds/ne_meotdaero'>ne_meotdaero (maeumdaero_hae)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aki realizes so many things when hes with Haru, Kaji Akihiko Has Realizations, Light Angst, M/M, Nakayama sisters are mentioned, Yatake is mentioned too, i think, that needs to be a permanent tag, there's an oc too but only mentioned once</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:22:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410438</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeumdaero_hae/pseuds/ne_meotdaero</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not really something Akihiko realizes in one sitting. It’s more like a culmination of realizations he had on the days he spent in Haruki’s presence, in Haruki’s apartment, in Haruki’s care.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>how does it feel to be taken care of?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a longer, fic version of this <a href="http://twitter.com/FUKURODANIE/status/1343797459445665796">tweet</a> </p>
<p>also, i headcanon that the Nakayama siblings all have 'Haru' in their name so: eldest - Haruno, second sister - Haruhi, youngest - Haruki </p>
<p>as always, mistakes are all mine. i reread it once. its 2:30am here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not really something Akihiko realizes in one sitting. It’s more like a culmination of realizations he had on the days he spent in Haruki’s presence, in Haruki’s apartment, in Haruki’s <em>care</em>.</p>
<p>First was the way Haruki left <em>that</em> night. He might be angry, sad or everything in between but he didn’t forget to put the indoor slipper back inside the hallway cabinet. Akihiko also only realized this when he finally decided to stop moping and at least clean the mess he brought upon Haruki’s house.</p>
<p>It made him feel a bit of, for the lack of better term, he labeled it irritation. He did something awful, wrong towards Haruki yet he said <em>those</em> words and didn’t even slam the door. Hell, Haruki was calm enough to put the slippers back in its proper place.</p>
<p>Next was Haruki’s apartment overall. It was <em>clean</em>. Not that the basement isn’t but it feels different. Maybe it’s the way the sun shines when the curtains are opened or the way cold wisps of wind enter and play inside on a hot day but it just feels cleaner. Fresh. Refreshing and bright.</p>
<p>Akihiko sits on the sofa, now his bed for the time being, while drying his hair. Waiting for the time to turn nine o’clock before he left for his first job, he finally had a chance to actually observe Haruki’s apartment.</p>
<p>Granted, he’s been here couple of times before when he needs to sober up but he never had a clear memory of those nights. All he remembers is the cold wind entering from the balcony that wakes him up from being drunk.</p>
<p>He notes the acoustic guitar leaning on the corner of the TV’s table and wall. Akihiko remembers that it was Yatake’s acoustic guitar when they were college students. It was from a long time ago yet it looked so new, the strings, the capo clipped on it. It’s clear that Haruki takes care of it.</p>
<p>The walk towards his first job of the day was spent thinking about how Haruki really takes care of everything he owns or just everything that is in his possession. Akihiko thinks it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to be taken care of exactly like that acoustic guitar that isn’t even Haruki’s.</p>
<p>In hindsight, isn’t he just like the guitar? Left to Haruki’s care, just suddenly turn up in Haruki’s living room and stays there for indefinite time.</p>
<p>Akihiko chuckles. It’s a self-depreciating one if ever he acknowledges it.</p>
<p>“I’m back,” Akihiko calls as he kicks his shoes off.</p>
<p>Four days since he started living with Haruki and he still needs to backtrack just to properly place his shoes in the shoe cabinet.</p>
<p>It’s a deviant among the ways Akihiko was used to in when living in the basement. The only time the shoes are placed in their shoe rack was when he cleans up the whole basement after Ugetsu trashes it upside down. Akihiko choose not to think about that.</p>
<p>No, wait, now that he thinks about it, the basement was rarely clean. Clean in a sense that it doesn’t <em>feel</em> clean. Blankets are seldom folded, clothes are just snatched from the hangers after it dries, socks and shoes litter around the door. Akihiko shakes his head.</p>
<p>Akihiko emerges into the living room and saw Haruki cleaning a different bass guitar from the one he uses at practice and performance.</p>
<p>“You bought another bass?” Akihiko asked, sitting down on the sofa and careful as to not jostle Haruki who’s sitting on the floor.</p>
<p>“Welcome back.” Haruki glanced up at him. “and no. this was my first bass guitar.”</p>
<p>Akihiko is honestly shocked. The bass guitar doesn’t look old. It doesn’t feel or look like a bass guitar that has been used for years before it was replaced with a new one.</p>
<p>Akihiko’s gaze went to the acoustic guitar standing innocently on its place.</p>
<p>“It was a present from Haruno and Haruhi,” Haruki continues as he moves from wiping the headstock to the neck.</p>
<p>“That was years ago,” Akihiko said, wanting Haruki to realize how absurd it is that a bass guitar <em>that</em> old still looks like a new one. Setting aside the faded color of the fretboard and its body, it still fairly looks new.</p>
<p>“Yeah. They got me this on my 17<sup>th</sup> birthday ‘cause I saw Yatake playing a guitar.” Haruki laughs.</p>
<p>“That guitar?” Akihiko points to the acoustic guitar in front of them.</p>
<p>“Yep!” Haruki leans forward to get a plastic bag and pulled out a new set of bass strings.</p>
<p>Akihiko is stunned with another realization that Haruki buys a new set of strings for it even though it looks like he hasn’t played it in a long time. Who buys a whole set of expensive strings for an old guitar that wouldn’t even be used? Haruki, apparently, his thought supplied.</p>
<p>Akihiko thinks Haruki just likes to <em>continue </em>taking care of things, pre-loved things. Akihiko’s thoughts invaded his consciousness and adds just like you, pre-loved. Akihiko nearly dropped the mug he’s holding.</p>
<p>It’s a very intrusive and unwelcomed thought.</p>
<p>“Careful there, that’s Haruno’s mug,” Haruki gently scolds him from the table.</p>
<p>“Right. Sorry.” He puts the wiped mug back in the dish rack.</p>
<p>Haruki chuckles, “It’s fine. That’s a strong mug, I could probably put pencils in it if you ended chipping it.”</p>
<p>It’s day seventeenth of living with Haruki and he shouldn’t really be surprised to hear that from him. Haruki loves taking care of things, even the damaged ones</p>
<p>The day Akihiko realized that was on the tenth day.</p>
<p>Haruki was sitting in the living room doing some film related homework while Akihiko was listening to the new instrumental they recorded at practice that day.</p>
<p>Haruki stood up, goes to his room and came back with two mugs full of coloring materials. It earned Akihiko’s attention not only because of the hideous but creative colorings it has but also because the other both is clearly one push behind being broken. The other does have a handle but it’s only half, it’s also chipped so many times that it looked like a small shark’s teeth that isn’t so sharp anymore while the other has a cracked piece glued on it and in the vertex of it is a hole from a missing piece and doesn’t have a handle.</p>
<p>It’s a heady realization. Haruki doesn’t only loves taking care of pre-loved things but also the clearly damaged and broken ones too. He also pieces it back together if he can; it doesn’t matter if there’s a hole in it or an incomplete handle or a ragged and chipped lid, if he can glue it back together, decorate it using bright colors with intricate designs and use it once again it was fine. More than alright.</p>
<p>Akihiko felt his eyelids burn. He needs to get out of here. Right now. He can’t handle the emotions surging forward, he can’t handle the thoughts coming forward because he’s not yet ready to acknowledge or even think about it.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna go buy something.” He hurriedly put down his laptop and goes straight to the door.</p>
<p>“To the convenience store downstairs or the one on the other street?”</p>
<p>Akihiko thinks he’s ready for Haruki’s answer, he expects it’s some sort of a version of the fact that Haruki takes care of things so he asks “Why?”</p>
<p>“It would be Karino-chan’s shift right now and we could get a free smoothie or a chocolate-”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna go to the other street.”</p>
<p>“Alright, then.”</p>
<p>Akihiko can’t, won’t hear that. It sounded a lot like Haruki also takes care of other people to the point he could get free things. It’s something Akihiko won’t ever be able to relate to. He gets and receives free things but it’s usually in exchange for any favor the other person could think that night. He’s not really ashamed for it, it’s something he <em>needs </em>to do just to have a roof over his head for the night. But for some reason, he never wanted or would even think about the possibility of Haruki knowing what he did.</p>
<p>In retrospect, that should be obvious. Haruki takes care of other people like a how a duck takes to water. It’s his nature.</p>
<p>Akihiko walked farther than the convenience store. He walks aimlessly, urging his brain not to think about things.</p>
<p>That if Haruki can take care of damaged and broken things, is it a reach to wish for Haruki to take care of him too? That if Haruki can still use anything as long as they are useful, would it be possible for him to stay with Haruki too? That if Haruki still takes care of pre-loved things, who’s to say he can’t take care of Akihiko too?</p>
<p>On the twenty-second day of living with Haruki, he decides that it’s okay to think about those things, to acknowledge the feelings he’s pushing back and down.</p>
<p>He wakes up to Haruki cooking, it’s not really clear if its dawn or dusk but that’s not really relevant. What’s relevant is that Haruki’s cooking and he’ll eat his share and wraps Akihiko’s.</p>
<p>Akihiko closes his eyes and admit the truth that he wants to be taken care of like that. Maybe by anyone but most especially by Haruki. The gentle hands he uses to wipe the acoustic and bass guitar; the reliable fingers he uses to glue back the mug before he decorates it colorfully. What a feeling would that be.</p>
<p>A sizzle and the smell of a fried rice woke him up on the twenty-ninth day.</p>
<p>Akihiko stood up abruptly and walked towards Haruki.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I didn’t make dinner!”</p>
<p>Haruki didn’t look back at him and continued to season the rice. Haruki also shrugged off his apology saying it’s alright.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry too much about cooking,” said Haruki.</p>
<p>It was an innocent comment but Akihiko can’t help but think that Haruki had noticed how he cooks for the both of them on dinner just to repay his stay, just to show that he can be of use too.</p>
<p>“Besides, if I left it to you, I think the food would always taste the same,” he added</p>
<p>That’s the exact moment all the realizations he had over the whole month of his stay with Haruki boils down into the fact that he lives in Haruki’s apartment and by extension he is somehow in the possession of Haruki and that means Haruki takes care of him too. All this time, he <em>is</em> taken care by Haruki.</p>
<p>Akihiko is suddenly reminded of the day he thinks he felt Haruki fix the blanket up to his shoulder and all those moments Haruki also washed his clothes, those moments where he knows where Akihiko places his things, those moments he ate something prepared by Haruki.</p>
<p>What’s more is that Akihiko easily accepts that he deserves <em>this. </em>Does it pertain to the way he is taken care of by Haruki or the emotions he is feeling on that exact moment? He doesn’t think about it. What’s important is he knows he <em>deserves</em> it.</p>
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